I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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