I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
