I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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