she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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