turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
