I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
