Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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