Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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