I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
