alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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