If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
