So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
