I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
