Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
