I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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