so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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