She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
