..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
