It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
