i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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