it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
