woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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