I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
