I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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