we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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