Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
