Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
