Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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