guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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