he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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