I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Im part way to drunk.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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