she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
