The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
