my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
