THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
