No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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