I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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