Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
