its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
