Can Purell be used as lube?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
