I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
