I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
