I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
