so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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