I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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