No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
