The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
