You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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