I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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