don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
