She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
