Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
